How to cope with my "Fear"

 I have been schizophrenics since 2012' s winter.

I have delusion that makes me fear at the bottom of my heart enough to try to commit suicide once by cutting my right neck in my life.

I don't to want to tell the content of it in this blog in detail, but that made me fear enough to want to disappear from this world against my will.

Today, I want to tell how to cope with my "ultimate fear".

I have discovered that there are a lot of kind of self-coping to this fear of delusion, while I had experienced hardship through symptoms of this mental disease.

1.Music

I like Music enough to say that I am applied to the person who is"No music no life".

But in the beginning, I try to save myself from the predicament of my life. So, music which is normal and ordinary activity for me now was given rise to by the concept of self-coping to protect myelf.

I like to create music. Through this activity, I can externalize my ambiguous matter of my heart and turn it into the better world. In brief, it can be said that "I can express" myself by creating music.

Recently, the activity has been expanded to the band activity.

I have gotten to take part in band activity. I feel that I can progress my musical skills and my perasonality in a good way thorugh it because it is fun to communicate with members of band through music.

2.Studying

I'm not used to studying very hard now, so I may not had better to say that, but it can be said that studying is effective to my bad delusion.

The reason why I think so is probably because it can be put into some kind of feeling of "achievment" in me to study to some extent.

Accumulating the knowledge in me seems to prohibit me from collecting the bad delusion because I must use my brain. So, I cannot but concentrating on solving the problem.

There is no room to be occupied by delusion in my brain.


So, I want to keep on using these two self-coping as posssible as I can to save myself.


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